Director's Corner
Ideology VS Reality: My Journey to Self-Empowerment

By Mya Dudzik

Wow, what a journey it has been! If someone would have told me I would be sitting here today—committing myself to an organization built upon the parenting premise—I would have told them “ya, right.” I can hardly believe I have my beautiful family of five children (and my hubby, Paul, of course!) I seriously feel stumped at the direction my life has taken. At the same time, I am whole-heartedly thankful for both roles.

I have had such a difficult time learning balance in my life. 1+2=3, right? Wrong. Not always. And most often, not even close. Having children teaches you that. I know that every one of you reading this has learned that important parenting lesson the first night being a parent. I mean…we feed and change the baby…and it STILL won’t go to sleep. We do everything in our power to “do it right,” and still come up short. So humbling. It is such a difficult pill to swallow. Not being perfect. The clash between what we wish to happen, and what we are capable of having happen.

My first child, Jacob, really had to be in the trenches with me. It was such a road to wander, learning to be a parent. I was in charge of another human being’s livelihood! I was really scared. Then I was overwhelmed. Then I was angry. I lost everything…or so I thought. I had no sleep, no showers, and no time to eat…no time for me. To say I didn’t take to parenting would be an understatement. I wish that I had a Mothers Support Network back then. I had to drudge through and hope that the decisions I was making wouldn’t leave permanent negative marks on my child.

Once I had a pretty good grasp on what it meant to be a parent (or so I thought at the time, hehe) I had another big decision to make. Would my child be an only child, or would I be willing to go back and do it all over again with another baby? As you know, we chose the latter. And then there was Abbey. It was so much easier the second time around. I felt much more confident about her health and well-being and in turn, I was a better parent that I had been the first run. But I still had this major balancing issue. My wants and desires were nowhere to be seen. My house was in constant chaos. I thought that it was because I lacked the time to keep it clean. I thought that if only I could do more, I would feel better. I failed to realize that the key to happiness isn’t having a Martha Stewart home. It would show itself to me later, though. For the time being, I would have to keep learning. So I struggled to balance my “perfect” home with my “perfect” parenting. Then came Ava. Oh boy, was she a surprise! I realized quickly that I needed to adjust my thinking. I had to lower the bar a bit. Enough with vacuuming daily. That would be replaced with baths, or cleaning up toddler messes, or…. Jacob was in kindergarten now. And they have homework in kindergarten!

Ava was my first experience with Home birth. She personifies my finding that I had choices in my life. Real choices! I dappled in natural parenting with her, and because of this, had my first encounter with MSN. (I ended up tucking away this chance meeting and not utilizing it for some time). Ava was an easy child, Jacob continued to be challenging, and Abbey was as she is today: Mama’s girl. So, I had a babe in a sling, another on my hip, and one to chase. Fun times. And I LOVED it. I mean…I really was starting to get a good handle on this parenting job. So, naturally, after a few years, I decided I HAD to have another.

So, we had our next homebirth…and I was really feeling good. Dane’s birth was an amazingly empowering experience for me. I learned that it was okay to have a “lived in” house, that the messes that occur in everyday life do not reflect negatively on my ability to be a good parent. In fact, I had many friends tell me that it had the opposite effect. They taught me that a messy home usually pointed to happy children! Sort of like the time my pediatrician told me that I shouldn’t be worried about Ava’s bruises on her 1-year old shins. He said the bruises and scrapes showed she was off to a good start exploring her wonderful new world! Think about that for a moment— those marks she wore proudly—as I would learn to also do.

We were quite a large, happy family. I was a happy mommy. I finally felt balanced. And I found MSN again! I happened upon the center at the advice of my midwives. They sent me to seek out some breastfeeding advice. And I discovered so much more. They’ll never know how much the recommendation changed my life. I walked in and felt like I had finally found my home. And I stayed. I enjoyed New Mom’s group and eventually was tailoring my days around making sure to not miss a minute of the education and support the Center offered. I learned so much about my parenting and healed a lot as far as my past parenting went. I learned to show my parenting bruises, and be proud of them. I shared with other moms so that they might also feel good about their own. I learned that we can only do what we know— and we can always do better once we know better. I forgave myself for my parenting mistakes, and vowed to always keep learning better ways. In turn, I gestated my first MSN baby, Lily, along with my newfound empowerment. She was born into the loving well-wishes of so many of you!

This is why I am so happy, and honored, to be able to give back to all of you. I have developed a new friend in myself by meeting so many new friends in you. Each and every one of us has created this wonderful environment of support and love. And I know it isn’t exactly perfect. I know that there is room to improve, or that things don’t always go the way we all want them to. But the bar! We have to always make sure we only ask as much of ourselves as we can ACTUALLY accomplish…and that we are always learning so that we may consistently be raising that bar in order to always be growing.

This is my wish for MSN. That I can help this wonderful organization continue to grow as it has helped me to do.